Raw Toast

Hot and Not 20 Years Ago According To My Yearbook.

2011-05-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

This is from my 1991 yearbook (I scanned in the entire yearbook, but assume you do not want to see that I was in both the Safety Patrol and Drama club!).

It amuses me that Edward Scissorhands made it to the Not Hot list, he certainly stood the test of time better than Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

And buying lemonade is hot! Who doesn't remember the great Lemonade Fad of the early 1990s. But it wasn't drinking Lemonade that was so cool, just the act of buying it.

The cheap sneakers being not hot explains why I wasn't more popular, if only I paid more attention to my own yearbook.

What's HOT:

Rap, Pop, Heavy Metal, MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Madona, Janet Jackson, Home Alone, Simpsons, Nintendo, Game Boy, Neon Colors, Money, Books, Buying Lemonade, Dancing, Girl & Boy Friends, Pumps, Cute Guys, Summer Reading, Baggy Pants, Earings

What's NOT:

Edward Scissorhands, New Kids on the Block, Debbie Gibson, Smoking, Milli Vanilli, Alcohol, Cheap Sneakers, Drugs, Sadam Heussein

If you thought Fourloco was bad...

2011-04-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

UPS making a delivery to the set of Two and a Half Men.

We've all heard about how Coca-Cola once contained cocaine. But did you know that before John Pemberton invented the famous soda, he sold a drink that contained alcohol, caffeine and cocaine?

The drink was popular, for obvious reasons, but was done away with early in the 20th century when some states began outlawing one of the main ingredients. But not the one you're probably thinking.

The dangers of alcohol was becoming a hot topic and the early stages of prohibition was beging to come together. While alcohol was being as seen as dangerous cocaine apparently wasn't such a big deal. Pemberton stopped making his cocaine/alcohol/caffeine potion and decided to focus his attention solely on Coca-Cola.

Of course eventually cocaine was removed from Coca-Cola to give us the drink we have today... well almost. In the late 70s sugar was replaced with high fructose corn syrup and it remains that way today. You can still find the real sugar formular if you buy Coke from Mexico.

By the way, all that sugar was originally added to offset the horrible medicinal flavor of the cocaine.

Tokyo Tuesday: Naked Dance?

2011-03-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

The video that makes the important statement: Don't look at my junk while I dance naked.

Gilbert Gottfried

2011-03-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

Gilbert kind of looks like Pee-Wee Herman in this picture.

Last week Gilbert Gottfried was fired from Aflac for his jokes about the disaster in Japan. You already know this, if you don't go do a quick search on Google News. I'll wait... on second thought, I don't feel like waiting, you'll just have to catch up later

I have always believed you should be able to joke about anything. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. If you look at the vast reactions from people about recent occurrences in Japan, you'll see most people are choosing crying. Crying is fine if that's your thing, but if you look over at the archives at cheesegod.com you'll find that I try to have fun with the current situations in the world (you'll also find a bunch of gramatical errors).

Not that I really blame Aflac for dismissing Gottfried. It is in their best interest to portray their company as caring for those being hurt. I'm not sure why they thought a duck voiced by the guy from Problem Child 2 was the best person to convey that in the first place, I suppose they thought it was working though since they continued to use that duck for 10+ years. During that time Geico has had the lizard, the boss, cavemen and that guy that sounds like Robert Stack. Aflac is clearly losing the number of insurance mascots game.

This isn't the first time Gilbert Gottfried has caused controversy with his jokes. He was hassled after making a joke about 9/11 just weeks after the attacks of the World Trade Center. Of course Aflac didn't fire him for that, I guess they were okay with that.

What I don't really understand is what kind of job is voicing the Aflac duck is. Once you've shouted Aflac a couple of times into a microphone, isn't that really enough? Couldn't they just reuse that loop?

Tokyo Tuesdays- SpongBob Happy Meal Toys!

2011-02-01T08:18:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. I haven't seen a kid this excited over crap since Nintendo 64.

Just How Secure is That Fence at the Border

2011-01-18T08:21:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the people who are for this fence are going by stereotypes and assuming Mexicans are too lazy to do this:

Tokyo Tuesday - High Blood Pressure

2011-01-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

Believe me, you have no idea where this is going until it gets there:

Top 5 WWW Embarrassments

2011-01-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

The world wide web has accomplished a lot in the last ten years. The
internet went from obscurity to majority, bringing much for it to be
proud of. You got your eBays, Amazons, and of course the leviathan
google. But the WWW would prefer you to forget about some if it's
less than stellar accomplishments.

So, for the hell of it let's look at some of those embarrassments
just to be a bitch and annoy the internet (why am I talking about the
internet as if it's a person, what in the world is wrong with me? Why
is urine yellow?)

So here, in my opinion, are the top 5 embarrassments of the internet:

Still better than Transformed Man

5) Hamsters Dance - Two friends bet each other to see who could make
a website that would get more hits. One of them thought a bunch of
animated gifs of hamsters and repeating one [very annoying] line of
"Whistle Stop" by Roger Miller would draw a lot of hits. And, for
some unknown reason, she was right. The site even spawned a dance CD.
Thinking about it even now want me to cry for the sake of humanity.

How about Peanut Butter Nutella Time?

4) Peanut Butter Jelly Time - It's peanut butter jelly time! Peanut
butter jelly time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Peanut Butter jelly,
peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!

Just repeat that over and over while picturing a dancing banana that
has about 5 frames of animation. The fact that this is what Internet users seemed to think of as entertainment boggles the mind.

Forget Larry David, this guy should have been a writer.

3) Ate My Balls - When searching for anyone back in the mid to late
nineties you were sure to come up with a site about them eating balls.
And if you got curious enough to click on one of these sites you'd
surely must be dead now because you most likely would of committed
suicide right after. Some call it tasteless humor, but since there's
nothing actually funny on any of these pages, I think just tasteless
would fit it better.

All these were basically were pictures of TV show characters with word
bubbles exclaiming their love for balls. To just demonstrate how bad
these sites are here's one image from the "Kramer Ate My Balls" site"

Sadly, many of these sites are still up and running.

Will you be my friend?

2) My Space - Holy crap! Can we please remove this piece of garbage
off the net. This site seems to have three reasons to exist.

a) To show off how many "friends" you have (Yeah, I'm sure all of you
and " Tom" and best buds).

b) So all you valley girl wannabees we can have a way to chat when not
using AIM, Cell phones, or GASP actually talking face to face.

c) And to for some incomprehensible reason put incredibly large
amounts of pictures, audio, and video in your profile. Every profile
on Myspace looks like it was designed by a four year old with a
learning disability. Why do you choose backgrounds that make it
impossible to read and text over it? And what is wrong with your
brain that you think every time someone visits your site they want too
some stupid rap video. I feel bad for people still on dial-up who
must have to wait 5 years for every page to load up. Actually, you
know what? I take that back. I feel bad for anyone who ever visits
MySpace.

These accounted for 97.6% of all mail in 1997. It's a fact, look it up.

1) AOL - This one pretty much explains everything previously
mentioned. There are tons of choices out there for an ISP… so why
would anyone choose AOL. Stupidity, that's why. Back in the late
nineties I could not open my mailbox without finding another dozen or
so discs. 2 and a half hours free, 10 hours free, 25 hours for free,
2500 hours free. I don't care how long it's free, I have no desire to
use your sub par email service and browser that looks like a Fisher
Price "My first Web Browser". AOL made it so easy to get online that
every idiot was soon able to log onto the "interweb." Soon wars
would break out on usenet everytime someone from AOL would post
something like "Me too!"

Even AIM has proven to be unusable with it's video ads, and if that
wasn't enough early beta reports show ads appearing between the text
of you friends messages to you in future versions.

Why would you pay $24.95 a month for this. Pay the extra $5 a month
and get broadband jackass, actually just stay on AOL, it'll make it
easier to identify the idiots.

This article was orginaly published in 2005 as part of cheesegod.com.

Tokyo Tuesdays

2011-01-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

Once an ongoing feature of cheesegod.com, it is now on Rawtoast! Enjoy!